someone threw a dead crab at me
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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