WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
