if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
