If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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