I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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