Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
