I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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