whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
