I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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