So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
