So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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