isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize