I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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