Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
