Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
