Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
