I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
so much tequila, so little girl.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
