Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
