she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize