Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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