I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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