I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
