I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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