wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
