loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
