someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
