Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize