just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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