A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
