a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
