I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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