Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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