You're completely useless in the revolution.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
