i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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