I wish I could teleport
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
