Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize