come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
