i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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