Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My breasts were aching with rage.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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