True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
