They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
