In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
