College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
