D3 body, D1 cock
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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