i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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