I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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