Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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