fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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