I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
