high people should be assigned attendants
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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