plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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