so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
