he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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