omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
