so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just tell him i said nine months
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He felt like a one man threesome
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Randomize
