Plan B is the new Plan A
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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