Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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