Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
