I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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