Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize