I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I smell stomach acid.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize