is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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