Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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