before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
