I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
