you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
