Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
